By Julia Laquerre
Most women masturbate, so why does no one talk about it?
The stigma against female masturbation has direct consequences on women’s perception and understanding of what sexual pleasure is to them.
Sarah Barmak, a renowned Ted Talk speaker and freelance journalist, has discovered “through interviewing and research is that masturbation and self-exploration is important in how we (as women) develop an understanding of what sexual pleasure is for us”.
Negative messages from society and misogynists, who argue that female masturbation is wrong, results in “a barrier to feeling and experiencing pleasure because women don’t have the words to express what they want,” stated Barmak.
The driving factor inhibiting women’s self-exploration are male public figures who openly deprecate the discussion of female masturbation. They argue women who seek out sexual pleasure, with or without a partner, are disgusting and they often classify these women as sl*ts.
Advocates for the movement who support the exploration of female sexual satisfaction, label Steve Harvey’s book Act like a Lady, Think like a Man as sexist and harmful literature. Harvey has written multiple books debasing and objectifying women. Given his wide platform and general likability, his harmful messages can have a significant impact on impressionable people that find his ideologies enlightening.
He classifies women into two categories: a throwback fish and a keeper fish. He determines a “throwback fish” as a woman who intends on having sex with a man and a “keeper fish” as a woman who withholds sex. Harvey states that men have “no intention of doing anything more than throwing back the women they bed.” His words and beliefs reach and effect a lot of people; many of these people are young women.
Supporters of women’s self-exploration fear Daryush Valizadeh’s public platform even more than Harvey. His platforms debasing women have sparked international outrage. The U.K. even banned Daryush from entering the country on grounds of abusing his global platform with terrorist violence, terrorist propaganda and the list continues. He was planning a series of international conferences and the U.K. did not want him spreading his destructive philosophies.
Valizadeh determines in his article The Decimation of Western Women is Complete that “men can no longer gain any meaning or value from a woman beyond sex” because women who have pleasurable sex with multiple partners have completely destroyed their worth as wives, and mothers. Valizadeh is an international sensation with thousands of devoted supports who take his beliefs and make them their own. His platform has given many likeminded people a negative voice in the matter of female pleasure.
In the book “Power and Desire: The Embodiment of Female Sexuality” authors, Janet Holland, Caroline Ramazanoglu, Sue Sharpe, and Rachel Thomson justify views such as Steve Harvey’s and Daryush Valizadeh as the reason why women “keep their sexual knowledge and sexual prowess concealed in order to be decent… to express physical sexual desires threatens a girl’s reputation”.
Despite the negativity revolving around female sexual pleasure and masturbation, one Shanghai study shows women are in favor of embracing masturbation as a valuable aspect of life.
The academic journal, “Gender, self and pleasure: Young Women’s Discourse on Masturbation in Contemporary Shanghai” written in 2009 by researchers Pei Yuxin and Petula ho Sik Ying,
they began their review of young Shanghai women by asking each of them, what they thought of women’s masturbation. Based on their response, the study concludes, most women interviewed feel shame regarding masturbation because of general societal disapproval, but they want to “embark on a journey of sexual self-discovery” stated by Yuxin and Sik Ying.
Ted Talk speaker Sarah Barmak and Alexandra Fine, a sexologist and the cofounder of Dame, (a sex toys company) are helping facilitate a conversation between women about sexual exploration through masturbation to help women around the world embrace their sexuality as a fundamental part of life.
Dame’s mission statement reads, “(Dame is) shaping paths to shame-free sexual pleasure and wellbeing. Through the products we develop and engineer in-house, our work with the Dame Labs, and the stories we tell, we’re creating a world where wellness is pleasure”.
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